Note: Can't get it out of italics . . sorry! ll
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
 | Current mood: cynical As you can tell, not a big blogger, but reading through my other 2, i think i must have been out of my mind. So for all my family & friends who have asked how things went 'getting off the meds' here's the true story. By August, i dropped off of my Effexor completely and that is where the downward spiral began. I had crazy emotional reactions, a horrid temper, hallucinations, and lots of physical side effects. I then had a 2 week period of this all over body itch, which i found out it part of the withdrawals. Not that the manufacturer of doctor would tell you this. . but needless to say, Effexor works on the same area of the brain as heroin so there you go. I lost 10 pounds in about 3 weeks. So, after the Effexor left my body I had to take leave from work. . i was too physically sick. But i never rebounded, had a shitty doctor, and finally found a doctor who knew what the heck was going on. I also started having the old OCD/anxiety/panic attack symptoms. SO got back to my original drug of choice and all is well mentally. But my body was so anemic and hypothyroid that he wanted a transfusion of blood and tons of other tests. . not fun. I ended up moving in w/ my parents for about a month cuz i didn't want to have Jason have to take care of me. . too much him. I ran out of funds in October and had to go back to work mid way through the month. I'm still totally wiped out after the day at work and sleep a lot during the day but am feeling better. I'm a lot better on the anemia but not so much on the thyroid. . which, funny, mimics anemia. I just take it day by day. So, am I happy i tried this 'get off the junk' thing? yeah, but it sucked. I've lost touch with so many people and have found that I'm not so comfortable with LA anymore. I'm trying to move and want to for lots of reasons. I guess i want people to know that a/ NEVER TAKE EFFEXOR and b/it's okay to need a medication, just the right one. You have to be your own medical advocate or you just will never get the truth. I'm still having a lot of sleep issues. . yes, we all know I have a dr. prescribed prescription drug problem and sleep aids are my favorites. But i'm trying. . My body seems to want to sleep during the day and not at night. . maybe I really am a vampire? My mood mostly these days is depressed, which could be a problem with my thyroid or just the outcome of this 5 month fiasco. I'm not sure. I am a recluse, that is for sure. If it wasn't for work, you'd not see my face. But I'm never doing much more than sleeping, or listening to my iPod. I guess i know i'm being a really rotten wife. . who wants to live w/ someone like me? I also know I've aged my parents markedly. . and i have to try and put on the 'happy face' for them. Jason knows. . but my parents don't. I am just taking it one day at a time. . I guess I'm still having a lot of trouble with losing my cat, Beanie; and losing my former love, Chris. He died way too young and I'm just haunted by it. To make it worse, he committed suicide. . why? I don't get it. . he was 28 and had all to look forward to. I feel very much like a guilt survivor. . and should've done something. . even though I always hear myself telling his mom that there was nothing we could have done (which is true). . but I miss him. I also feel 'divorced' for lack of a better word. . from my best friend. This person let me down in the worst of ways and at the worst of times. . and then has the audacity to try and be my partial friend? Have news for you - ain't gonna happen. I've declared an AA approach to this person. . go day by day to not see nor talk to them. . and hopefully I'll get to my 1 year, then 2, etc. All i can say to them is this: the rules of the Universe are such that if you cause harm to someone else, you will get that negative energy back times 3. So, i've got news for you pal -- it's coming and it's forceful. I have gotten mine back many times and have tried to learn the lesson not to harm people . . but I guess that is what separates me from you. . I admit to having faults and that I try to not hurt people. I guess good luck to you, you have a lot of *very* important shit going on right now and you're on thin ice. I'd never wish nor pray for you to have something bad happen, but believe me, you won't get away scott free. Wow, am I a witch or what? HA! Big joke. . yes, I am but not like that. I get so pissed when I see how people use the Wiccan religion as a joke or as an evil entity. It's the closest tie to nature. . so anyway. . To all of you who have called, written, etc. . thanks so much. Sean, thank you for the weekend in Phoenix. I had a great time and I love you. You've been my best friend since we were 4. Never will that change. That's me. . let's see if I'm still standing in a month. l_l |
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