Saturday, December 31, 2005
 | Current mood:  optimistic I know, most people have New Year's resolutions, but they don't really work for me. Not to say I don't believe in them, as I've seen many folks stick to them, but for me, it's not that way. Thus, I've decided that I want to start 2006 by looking back at 2005 and seeing what revelations I might find. Whether this means change or not, is really dependent on what I find. First, over 2005 I've realized that I need to let things go. Specifically, trying to get the friendships and attention of those who don't give a rat's ass about me. Truly, I don't aspire to have everyone in this world like me. I know I have many traits that push people back, but I do have some very, very loyal and true friends and have found that the new ones I have pursued do not live up to my expectations. This may be partly my fault & partly theirs but in the end fault doesn't matter, does it? The outcome is the same. I have just decided that I don't want to waste any more time on those who could care less about me (hey Brad, are you relieved? it's been 3 years of actions and words from you telling me that exact thing and guess what--I finally got it). I'm not even mad about it anymore. Being mad gives it importance and I think that it's far more important to find new people who are truly interested in me than to keep busting my ass trying to fit into this circle of friends who never accepted me anything other than as J's wife. So, number one revelation -- let it go with all of them and search for those worth the time. What's the second? Well, another thing this year is that I learned the big lesson about not taking care of myself. I have never been sicker (except for when I was a child) as I was this year and 80 percent of it was my own fault. I ate crappy, kept bad habits, had a bad attitude, and took a lot of extra medications that I did *not* need. Just for the record, my psychiatrist is responsible for the other 20 percent, as she is the one who prescribed my un-needed medications that were hell to get off. So, revelation number two -- take care of myself, even if it seems as if that is all I can do for that day. For people with depression, it is sometimes the only thing you can do, but I am seriously going to try. I am going to try and eat better, sleep better, quit being a recluse, and be normal. I know for an absolute fact, I will have bad days and fall down, but I am going to try to keep on going. Who am I doing this for? Me, myself, and I. For once, it's all about me. Revelation number three -- there are just certain facts of life you can't change and you have to either move on or adjust. I guess I mean this in terms of this town and my job. But, I think everyone has had just about enough of the whining about my hatred for the job and this town. So, I either need to do something about it or shut up. It's that simple. I've seriously been looking into moving to Las Cruces and I love it there very much but then something deep inside me says to stay. So, for now, I'm not sure which path I will follow, but it will either be that I find a way to like my job or at least tolerate it; or I will take the big plunge and try Las Cruces. The last revelation, number four -- I have a great family. Yep, my family rocks. J, the katz, Rusty, my parents. . they have kept hanging on through this year with me when I've been most unpleasant, sick as a dog, out of my head, and just plain ugly to be around. They have saved me and I owe it to them,as much as myself, to get my act together. For you New Year's revelers, have a geat time out there and be safe. I, for one, will miss the big hour, as I am going to go to bed early and get my rest. Tomorrow is 2006 and I have a lot of things I need to start to work on. |
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